work/life balancing as a parent

I sit in my small study in our home and type on my keyboard. The elegant, minimalist design of my laptop calms me, and for a moment I believe that everything in life is as simple as my work. The Scandinavian simplicity of this small space suggests that all I need to do is focus on the function and task at hand. Nothing can disturb me in this environment. I will not only be satisfied when I finish my work, but I will also be in a state of flow. Everything here is uplifting. I create, connect with thousands of people, and thereby overcome mortality and transience.

Then my daughter yells from her room, "Daddy, come do a puzzle!" Suddenly, I'm knocked out of the creative flow and almost snap at her. I take a deep breath and, with a sad expression, gently tell her that I need to work. A lot. I can't play with her right now.

I often feel the desire to connect with her, to be in the moment together, and to create unforgettable memories that will last through the ages. This would be true, flesh-and-blood eternal life that continues for generations, where the genetic makeup may gradually dilute, but the pieces of my soul and worldview can live on for centuries.

It's so much easier to navigate the world of work than parenthood. My minimalist, clean little studio is the perfect contrast to my daughter's room, which is in a constant state of chaos.

In my work, success can be measured with numbers, and the rules are mostly clear. But as a parent?

Will my life boss come and discuss with me the parenting goals I set last year during the annual review? Will they grade my performance? Will they designate improvement areas and create an action plan to bridge the gaps and follow my development? Will they send me to training if necessary? Will they quantify how good of a parent I've been with a pay raise? Can I fight for the title of employee of the month, or rather, dad of the month? What do I need to do to have my photo smiling on the office wall? How can I be the best dad?

And how can I do the best for my child? Should I treat their life as if my number one job is to organize a 17-year carnival for them? Should I pretend that life is all fun and games? Or should I live my adult life where they have a special place, just like in my heart?

I couldn't be a child for very long, but that doesn't mean I'm rushing her to grow up. It's great to live carefree, play, not have to perform, just be in the moment, and be happy when you find the right puzzle piece that clicks perfectly into place. There are still at least 800 pieces left to finish the great masterpiece. How many hours of flow and a sense of accomplishment await her?

But I have to work. I would be lying if I said it's because of the money. I love working. I hope I can still be active at eighty years old, creating and helping others. It comforts me, drives me forward, and makes me feel like I'm more than mortal.

Maybe I'm also giving something to my child by showing her that you can work like this. Not just at a soul-crushing 9-5 job. Sometimes she comes and sits next to me, looks at my monitor with her smart eyes, and asks me what I'm doing. I always explain it to her. She hums and then lies down on the couch and watches me work. At times like these, I feel like we're connecting. I hope she feels the same way!

But right now, I don't have the time or desire to do puzzles. I struggle to play games anyway. I sit back down in front of my computer and continue pounding away at the keyboard. Everything here is so simple and the rules are clear. I'll be back in the flow in just a few minutes.